At the meeting on Wednesday 29 March the Guest Speaker was Rotary Melbourne member Colin Honey, Academic, Ethicist speaking on the topic 'Respect'.
Our lunch meeting at No 35, Sofitel on Collins was the 34th for the 2022-23 Rotary year.
The porter of my college at Cambridge saw me coming back from having given a talk and thought I seemed to be a bit dejected. ‘Don’t worry if they don’t ask you back’ he called, ‘that just proves that you satisfied them the first time!’
This Club is important to me. And I value the friendship you share.
And for the purposes of this talk – I Respect you all – but in what sense I remember I respected Queen with deferential esteem.
To quote Sir Robert Menzies, I did but see her passing by, yet shall I love her till I die.
No. I respect my fellow Rotarians in another sense: with courteous consideration (and let me say with real gratitude for your kind fellowship).
But sometimes respect is more complex.
I went to the football a few years ago. With a friend who barracked for one of the teams.
I couldn’t remember which team I supported anyway – so just applauded good play by whoever. ‘Well done’ to Essendon player (not quite era of John Coleman, Jack Clarke, John Burt, Hutcheson)
Likewise, to great play by Hawthorn.
But people in front of me got irritated.
Finally, one turned round, grabbed me by the Harris tweed lapel and said ‘Make up yr flipping mind’ – or words to that effect.
A little later I decided to eat my four and twenty: got it out of cellophane OK but the sauce capsule was a bit tricky.
It opened with a spurt and shot down the back of the person in front of me – in her hair, down the back of her jumper and onto the seat.
Undeterred, and not wanting to miss out on sauce for my pie, I turned the pie over and wiped it down her back and the white crow red was picked up nicely by the top of the 4 and 20.
I think it was about then that she stood up and said to her partner ‘Let’s move to somewhere nicer’ and as she moved off, I lost my cool and called out ‘Make up your flipping mind’
And her partner, who was a largish chap with lots of tatts swung round with a clenched fist, I ducked so he missed me, but knocked the pie out of my hand and it splattered onto the beer cans, crisp packets, and shoe droppings on the concrete below my seat.
And I thought, some people just have no respect!
Now we could analyse that / could convince ourselves that there were several moments when respect was indicated – but she would have thought that I lacked respect whereas I know that the problem lay with her and her partner. They just didn’t respect me.
I have another story to tell, later on if there’s time, about the student and her sexual exploits – but I know you won’t worry if there’s not time for that!!
Suffice to say, at this stage, that respect is usually what we think is due to us – whereas they owe us big time for all we do for them!
One of the greatest things about Rotary is that we respect one another’s work and background. There is only one form of status – the length of time we have been in Rotary. Well not quite – if you’ve been a President then your pretty special; and if you get a Paul Harris fellowship then you’re obviously in the big league. But essentially, we all respect one another.
Paul Harris started Rotary so he could make friends with other business and professional people in Chicago. And he thought that fellowship was the key aspect: but fellowship changed the whole dynamic of the city – you don’t dud the people you’ve just had lunch with. Doing business in Chicago just got nicer (at least till the roaring 20’s and the new kind of fellowship introduced by Al Capone and his friends).
Rotary has always been about fellowship. And when good people get together they want to make a difference, they want to make their city a better place, they want to help one another and those around them. Fellowship issues in service.
Twas ever thus. Jesus of Nazareth said that people should love their neighbours. But he went on to say, don’t just love those who love you – that’s easy. Love those who are unlovely, even those who are your enemies.
I find it easy to be a friend to my Rotary colleagues. Not too sure about politicians (there not easy to love), and I’m not sure about other drivers on the road who cut in at the lights and make me miss my chance to get across. And I come from Echuca, and we’ve never been sure about those people over there in Moama. And as for Sydneysiders, well enough said.
Part of the genius of Paul Harris was to pick up the effectiveness of sharing a meal in making friends. And he understood that sharing a meal with friends brings you closer and makes you want to help others. As we respect other Rotarians so we come to respect those in need in our town.
Members of this Rotary Club are all great people, who have much to give, who have immense and varied experience, who share their time, fellowship, resources and wisdom. I love being in Rotary – and this year is my 40th anniversary. I joined the Perth club because they all seemed to be so important and kind. I was impressed by the quality of everything – the location, the meetings, the important people, the warmth of the welcome.
Our club is now weak. Like the churches – most of our members don’t attend. Most of our groups are moribund; but some flourish thank goodness. And we need to remember what we stand for and refresh our life. Unlike the churches our faithful remnants are committed to growth and renewal. We can look again at our basics. We can look to our history and achievements. We can look to the basics defined by Paul Harris; we can get new members, reinvigorate our groups, look after one another, find useful things to do in and for our community.
In ethics, the first thing is to get the facts. It’s too easy to come up with a solution before we have identified the problem. I work on the basis of 1 find the facts, 2 identify the issues, 3 see what principles apply 4 run some hypotheses and see what results you get in the near and long term using each principle, 5 choose an outcome and a principle or two, 6 give an account of your process and 7 respect others who are different but who have been similarly conscientious in their process.
Some of that method might be helpful to us.
Now I promised you another story. I was head of a university college for 22 years. Most stories about that time I can’t tell; it wouldn’t be fair to the people involved. But I have one which is about two anonymous students.
She was Spanish, 19 years old, and could have been photographed for any glossy magazine. She came to see me, having refused to tell her story to a tutor, or counsellor, or my secretary. Her problem? One of the most athletic, square-jawed rugby players had been knocking on her door at about 2 am every night. What did he say, I asked. He said he just wanted to come in and talk. Then maybe that’s what he wants to do, I said. Oh Mr Honey, said she. And I apologised. So have you been going out with him. No. Do you meet him in the quad during the day, No. Do you sit with him at meal times, No. Do you ever have anything to do with him, No. Have you ever in the past been close to him. No. What never? No. Are you sure?
Well there was the one time on Prosh day when we were both on the back of the truck and we had sex, but I was drunk and that doesn’t count. Oh, I see, said I. And does he realize that it doesn’t count?
So we set up a meeting with both of them. We had to gently offer respect and understanding to the young man, and respectfully accept the young woman’s explanation of what everything meant to her. There was no judgment from me, no reports to anyone else, no mutual obligations – just acceptance, respect, reconciliation.
They both had to experience embarrassment, empathy for the other, and admiration for one another. There is no reconciliation without sacrifice. They reconciled themselves one to the other.
Or so it seemed to me; and I’m just an old Rotarian who loves this club and hopes it will again thrive. But I do think Paul Harris was on the money.
