Aussie Papers Compared

Following a series of exhaustive polls, experts have analysed the results. According to them

the summary below is virtually 100% accurate:

  1. The Australian Financial Review is read by the people who run the country.
  2. The Canberra Times is read by people who think they run the country.
  3. The Australian is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
  4. The Sydney Morning Herald is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The Australian.
  5. The Courier Mail is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if only they didn't have to leave Queensland to do it.
  6. The Age is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
  7. The Melbourne Herald Sun is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
  8. The Sydney Daily Telegraph is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
  9. The West Australian is read by people who are in prison, who used to run the state, and would like to do so again, as would their constituents who are currently free on bail
  10. 10. The Hobart Mercury is slowly read by people who are running another country. but need the Aussie Rules scores. When the AFL finally decides to have a permanent Tasmanian footie team the Footie Record sales will overtake The Mercury.
  11. Crikey is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not conservatives.
  12. The Adelaide Advertiser is read by people trapped in a line at the supermarket waiting for the electricity to come back on.
  13. The Northern Territory Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.
  14. The Bennettswood News is read by people of discernment, grace, clear thinking, and good common sense.


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